My Heart Dances
by Penybright
Summary: Um, I don't know how to summarize this. It's a songfic that's basically from Van's point of view. R&R is greatly appreciated!


~ Um, I know I should be working on A Silver Feather Carried on the Winds of Fate, but I needed a break. Besides I've been wanting to write this songfic for forever! I promise to have chapter 13 of a Silver Feather... up by the end of the week. (for those of you that actually care) Oh, by the way this story takes place in scenes from episodes 20 & 23. 

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own anything here. Escaflowne isn't mine, and the song "My Heart Dances" is copyrighted to Dreamworks. The music is by Elton John and the lyrics Tim Rice. Did I mention that I own none of this? 

Lyrics are between: ~*~ 

thoughts are in italics surrounded by: '....' 

My Heart Dances 

By: Penybright 

~*~ 

**_I see you in the distance and I see us as we are_**

**_So nearly so contented but a careless word to far_**

**_I see you in confusion for a once enchanted boy_**

**_My heart dances, but not for joy..._**

~*~ 

Rain washed down from the heavens, coating everything in it's silky, wet embrace. Van stepped around the corner of a building, and stopped. He swallowed a gasp that threatened to escape when he looked at the bridge. It couldn't be... 

'_NO_!' his mind screamed. It was then that Hitomi turned around and saw him. A myriad of expressions flashed across her features as she gazed at him. 

Van's shoulders slumped, and his eyes glazed over. He felt defeated. It was as thought his heart had been wrenched from his body, and crushed in a vice. He stood in the rain, his hair plastered to his head and face. He looked lost, alone. Van's big, brown eyes had the look of a lost puppy. He abruptly turned and began to walk away. 

"Van..." Hitomi whispered. Van picked up the pace, and began to run. The scene of Allen and Hitomi kissing on the bridge replayed again and again through his mind, mocking him, taunting him. 

"No!" he commanded himself, shaking his head as he ran, trying to banish the vision. Van continued to run, heedless of where he was going and oblivious to the fact that it had stopped raining. When he finally stopped, he was standing in a grove of trees. In the center of the grove there was a fountain surrounded by stone benches. Van collapsed to the soggy ground in a sodden, numb heap. He wrapped his arms around his shivering body, his mind gone blank. His once sparkling eyes stared blankly into space their luster gone. Van rocked back and forth aimlessly as he shivered. He didn't know how long he stayed like that. 

Eventually, Van found himself back at the windmill, where Merle was waiting for him. He found himself sitting in front of some form of warmth as a voice broke through his daze. 

"You're soaked!" Merle exclaimed, pulling Van's shirt up over his head. "Oops!" she cried as the shirt finally came off. Van stared expressionlessly ahead looking at nothing, the chill no longer reaching his frozen body. Merle picked up a towel and began to dry Van's soaked ebony hair. 

"I said you should've just left her alone..." Merle said softly, as she gently rubbed the towel over his hair. Van continued to stare numbly. 

'_Perhaps he should feel anger? Outrage? Why then did he feel empty and cold, no emotion only blackness... An all consuming, lifeless blackness_...' 

~*~ 

**_I long to love you better but I swear I don't know how_**

**_You could have been my future but I had to have it now_**

**_The things we love completely we are fated to destroy_**

**_My heart dances, but not for joy.._**

~*~ 

The sun was setting, the world cast in a hazy, warm glow. Soft oranges and pale yellows colored the sky obscured only by the drifting clouds. On a bridge, Van was with a group of others who were discussing the recent attack on Rampart. 

"It's either us or them," Van told Dryden decisively. 

"Why is fighting the only thing you talk about?" Hitomi interrupted, suddenly appearing. 

"What are you saying? We're fighting to protect you and everyone else," Van retorted. 

"I saw it! You enjoyed fighting!" Hitomi accused. "I don't want you to protect me if that's what it does to you!" she cried, tears starting to form in her eyes. "I'm sick of all this fighting... I'm sick of this world." 

"Hitomi!" Van cried in concern. 

"Someone send me back! Send me back to my world!" Hitomi cried, and her plea was answered. A column of blinding light enveloped her, pulling Hitomi heavenward and away. 

"Hitomi!" Van shouted in vain. 

'_It was his fault. Why did he have to push her to this? Once again he had managed to royally screw up. Perhaps... Perhaps things were better this way. He wouldn't be able to hurt her anymore. She could be... happy. Then why did it feel so wrong? So very, very wrong... Why?_' 

~*~ 

**_It's easy to be certain that another's heart will fall_**

**_Much harder to be certain of your own_**

**_It moves you and inspires you, then it drives you to the wall_**

**_And leaves you so excited but alone..._**

~*~ 

Van gazed longingly at the Mystic Moon from his perch on the side of the roof. 

'_She was there somewhere... his goddess. Did she realize what she meant to him? He... loved her, but did she love him? Or, was he a fool? Did he truly love the mysterious seeress? What did she truly mean to him? Did he just want her power, as he had told her once? Somehow, that didn't seem... right. He was denying his true feelings, afraid of what they really were. But, could he be sure of his own emotions? It was foolishness, thinking like this and yet... _

'_Hitomi... He could never forget those startling green orbs. If the eyes truly were the window to the soul, then her soul must be the most pure, far more majestic than any others'. But, she was gone now, returned to her home. Was she thinking about him? He had no right to be thinking of her. And yet, here he was thinking... of her... She didn't deserve to be put through all the horrors she had faced. He wanted to protect her from all that. NO! She hadn't wanted his protection. What had she wanted? Maybe... Just maybe..._' 

"Is it possible?" Van whispered to the dark night. His eyes remained locked on the Mystic Moon intensely. 

'_Maybe he was one hopeless idiot... And maybe, just maybe, he wasn't as foolish as he thought._' 

"Lord Van?" Merle called softly from her perch on the tip of the same roof he was lounging on... 

~*~ 

**_My heart dances_**

**_My heart dances_**

**_My heart dances, but not for joy_**

**_But not for joy._**

~*~ 


End file.
